Off the Grid: Facing the ugly truth of life without Instagram

How Instagram fueled the feelings I was trying to avoid, and how I let it - until I finally escaped its chokehold.

A month ago I quit Instagram.

There was no ‘announcement’, no goodbyes, no cry for attention. In true introvert style I just quietly left, and life hasn’t really been the same since.

As a forty something millennial, Instagram was my social media platform of choice. I felt too young for Facebook, too old for TikTok, and much too tired for Twitter/X. I never had any aspirations to be an influencer, in fact I couldn’t imagine anything worse, and enjoyed the relative quiet of a private account with just a few hundred followers.

Instagram was where I kept up to date with friends, connected and engaged with like-minded people, and learned more about them, their interests and the things that brought them joy. It was where I discovered more about our natural world, both good and bad, found causes and charities I wanted to support, and opportunities for self-development through training and courses. It was where I shared things I had done and seen, curating a sort of online diary presented in an aesthetically pleasing grid.

But, it was also the place I would go to quiet the noise in my head, wasting hours of my life doom scrolling reels I had no interest in.

I used to enjoy sharing photos of some of the places I had been. Photo © Land Agent Life

Escaping The Chokehold

Over the past few months, I had become increasingly aware of the negative impact Instagram was having on me. There was a direct correlation between how low I was feeling and the amount of time I was spending on the app. The problem was, I couldn’t work out which one was driving the other. Was I using it more because I was sad, or was I sad because I was using it more?

I knew I had to take a break but was an expert at convincing myself I ‘needed’ to keep it. The rational part of brain which was begging me to stop was constantly drowned out by the flood of dopamine every time I picked up my phone.

My moment of clarity came one night in a fit of pre-menstrual rage. Engaged in my nightly ritual of doom scrolling reels after dinner, I suddenly reached the point where I just couldn’t take it anymore. WTF was wrong with me that I was relentlessly watching this utter moronic brain rot?! Stupid dances, ridiculously filtered bodies and faces, people chasing perfection, validation, money, fame, notoriety, and driven increasingly by AI and bots, pushing the boundaries of what was real and what wasn’t even further.

Is this what the word had come to? And is this really something I wanted to be part of? The answer was a resounding no, and five minutes later I had deleted the app and finally escaped its chokehold.

The Honeymoon Period

The 48 hours that followed were unexpected. Given how much I thought I relied on it, I was anticipating feeling really anxious, but it transpired the opposite was true. It felt as though a massive weight had been lifted. I noticed an immediate change in my mood, my screen time dropped by two thirds overnight, and I started sleeping better than I had in a long time.

That sense of relief stayed with me throughout the first week. I felt so much happier, more focused, and genuinely inspired to be creative again. I did still find myself instinctively reaching for my phone, but without Instagram, there just wasn’t the same opportunity to get sucked in.

One thing I was mindful of during this time was an increase in my Substack use, both posting and consuming content, essentially trying to fill the void which Instagram had left. Although this was only a short-term response, it was probably exactly what I needed at the time to aid the transition.

One Month Later – The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

I will confess that while I knew I needed a break, I wasn’t convinced I would last a week, let alone a month. But it has been a revelation.

The good things that started happening during that first week only continued to increase over the course of the month. My improved mental clarity and creative energy helped me develop new ideas and focus on the things I am passionate about, especially reading and writing, which I am enjoying so much more.

When I go to bed, I now take the laptop instead of my phone, using that time to capture the thoughts and ideas that pour out of me onto the page. You could argue I am simply swapping one device for another, and you would be right, but for me the key distinction is that I am creating rather than consuming, and that feels incredibly satisfying.

Other areas of my life have improved too. I find I am more present in the moment, especially when spending time with friends, focusing on the experience rather than trying to capture it on camera to post later. I can resist the urge to compare myself to others, am kinder to myself, and don’t hate my body EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.

Getting my dopamine hit from the outdoors and being more present in the company of friends. Photo © Land Agent Life

I spend a lot more time outside, receiving my dopamine hits from nature, and getting back into old hobbies like mountain biking. One of the biggest changes is that I no longer do things for the gram, I do them for myself, and I can’t begin to articulate the freedom that comes with that.

There is always a balance however, and inevitably there are things I miss. I wouldn’t say I have FOMO, but I do miss the updates from friends and others I followed. I feel disconnected in a way, less aware of what is going on in the world and less educated about topics that matter to me. I know there are other ways to access this kind of information without relying on social media, but the truth is platforms like Instagram are fundamentally designed to be engaging, immediate, and always within reach. Trying to stay up to date and informed in its absence is something I am still working on.

Life without the constant stimulation of Instagram forced me to confront some ugly truths about myself. It became very apparent, very quickly, that the use of the app was perpetuating my sadness and anxiety, and I was using it as a crutch to try and drown out uncomfortable and difficult feelings I didn’t want to deal with. It was almost as if I was using it to self-medicate, but the only thing I achieved was distracting myself temporarily, prolonging the inevitable point at which I would need to address the often overwhelming noise in my head.

That noise isn’t new to me, it is something I have had to navigate for most of my adult life. In the past it has led to dependencies on different coping mechanisms, but through those experiences I have become much more emotionally aware, allowing me to recognise negative behavioral patterns, and most importantly, to know how to address them. Quitting Instagram was the first step to getting myself back on track this time. Not having it gave me some much-needed space to focus on myself, and life already feels better, calmer, and full of genuinely good things.

Closing the Door?

I don’t think I really appreciated how addicted I was, the extent of the impact it had on my life, and how desperately I needed to stop until I did (thank you hormones!). Looking at it from a fresh perspective, it feels almost like a digital form of sadomasochism, submitting to the emotional pain of anxiety, self-doubt, and mental fatigue, in exchange for the fleeting pleasure of connection and validation.

And yet, I still haven’t fully closed the door on returning to Instagram in the future.

I appreciate that probably sounds bonkers given everything I have just said, but I still believe social media has a place in this world, if used responsibly. While its addictive nature is well documented, ultimately there has to be a degree of accountability for our own actions and what we choose to engage with.

If I could use it only for the parts I love, I’d be back in a heartbeat, but right now I don’t trust myself not to fall back into old habits. That might change with time, or it might not. I’m okay with not knowing.

What I do know without question though is that I want my life to be authored by me, not by an algorithm.

---